She slender and pretty.  She does math stuff for a bank, likes music, runs (for fun/exercise), believes in the decriminalisation of drugs, yada yada...I don't care anymore .... 

Maybe I'll learn some stuff about banks. Maybe I'll get laid.  Maybe she'll punch me in the face and run onto the hood of an uber, removing her pants while the passengers inside scream for their lives ... who's dating    

We go to a bar. 

Her: "what's your favorite chord?" 

"funny you should ask...."

I almost launch into a lecture about tonal-relational synapses, interval vectors, Glenn Zaleski, etc. but think better of it.



I become aware of two friends watching me, like ornithologists sighting an eagle.  

"Shhhh he's dating" 

I smile.  I hope something exciting will happen. 

My date is hard to read...she seems to like me, but something is off... 

We have a nice conversation about banks and decriminalising drugs.

Her: "if we decriminalize drugs we can make them safer and reduce the stigma surrounding drug addiction" 

"I've never done drugs, but that sounds nice" 

Nothing exciting happens. 

Me: "Well, I should go"

"Ok.  Do you wanna see my roof?"

(A ha!)

"I'd...i'd love to, yeah..." 

(buh buh BOW!)




We're on the roof of her apartment.  Alone. In the dark.

*in my deepest, sexiest voice possible 

"It's a lovely evening, don't you think?" 

"Eh's ok...yesterday was better" 


"this is a great view...." 

"I can't believe they haven't picked up the recycling yet" 

(wait did she actually just want to show me this roof? This roof sucks- it's just a bunch of mats on the ground)

"You have really pretty eyes" 

"Have you seen National Treasure?" 

"I have.  Are you a virgin?"    

"I'm waiting until marriage because it's what jesus would have wanted"

"Shit.  Ok...well, have a nice night" 

*runs and jumps off roof 

The end.